omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Success! We fucked roommates!
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