K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Randomize
