Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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