If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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