I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
