I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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