i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
