At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
