Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
