She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
