all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
