the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
