I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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