I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
