Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
