If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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