shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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