Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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