my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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