At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
