He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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