I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
