Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I have feelings that need drinking.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
