well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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