I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
