He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
