My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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