You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
