Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
