Pappa wants mamma naked
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Couch. On fire.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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