all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Randomize
