Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
