she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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