Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
