guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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