I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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