If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
