We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
