i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
why do cheetos always look like penises
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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