If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Oh god it's open bar.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
