Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
