You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
