gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
