I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
