Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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