Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
