I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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