apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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