I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
my poor anus
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
