he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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