i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
